She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
