Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
