thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
