theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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