At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
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