He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
