I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
