Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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