Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
