it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
