im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
