We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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