somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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