a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
