If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
