just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
