why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
