so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
