I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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