Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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