I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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