she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
