My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
