I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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