is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
