Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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