we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
