oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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