It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
