Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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