last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
