Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
