Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
