Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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