I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize