You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
