Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
