Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
