Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
