is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
