i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize