Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
