there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize