Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
