so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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