well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize