Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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