hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
