Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
