Buhtt sex?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
