well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
