Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
