Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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