you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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