can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
