I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize