someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
