Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
