why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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