The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
