I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
