I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
