today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
