my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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