What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My liver just had a heart attack.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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