Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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