Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
