And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm always down for nudity.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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