my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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