using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize