so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
