I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
