my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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