Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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