The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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