Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
