Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
