I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
