The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
