Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
