I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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