She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
