she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
