they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize