If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
