Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
