Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
