fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize