I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
