she looked like the bat from fern gully.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
