he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
