"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
