You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
