I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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