i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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