he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize