I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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