I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize