I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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