just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
