For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
