Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
