it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
